Sabotage, His Eviler Twin, and Their Distant Cousin

I wrote this for my Spark People page way back in like 2008.

Sabotage, His Eviler Twin, and Their Distant Cousin
(And How They’ve Been Banished From the Life of Tara)

“Sleep well tonight. I love you.” David bent down to kiss me.

“I love you too. Have a good night. Don’t forget your lunch!” I looked up from the computer.

As he walked out of the room, I held my breath for the sound of the door closing. Slam! There it was. I heard his car sputter to life and I tiptoed out of the quilt room to the living room door.

There, he was gone. Now I could eat.

Now I could eat? What the heck was I doing? I wasn’t hungry, I was about to take a shower and go to bed. (I should mention that David was working 3rd shift!)

At least, that is what I thought.

I went back to my computer to work on some more quilt designs, thinking that if I ignored that little evil voice, it would go away.

You know the one I mean. The one that makes you think you need something to eat. The one that while your grocery shopping tells you your lunch will not be complete without Doritos, and that you should invite Oscar Mayer and that Little Debbie would be very offended if you invited him and not her. The one that will throw any excuse your way until you bite (pun intended).

The one that says, “You’ve had a long day, you need some energy.” Or “You worked out, you should have some protein to rebuild your muscles.” Or “It’s ok, popcorn is full of fiber.” Or “You have to eat so you can take your meds.” Or “Just one more. You can stop tomorrow.” The one they call…Sabotage.

Instead, I found myself heating up some chicken tenders. When I was finished, I pushed the plate back and heard another familiar voice. The eviler twin of sabotage. The one called Guilt. I bet you are well acquainted with him too.

This one told me “How could you just throw all your good choices away like that? Looks like you ruined the whole day.” And “You silly girl! You’ll never lose weight if you keep eating!” and “You don’t deserve to feel good about yourself anyway.” And “You know you’ll just do it again tomorrow. Why even try?”

“That’s not true!” I argue back. “Tomorrow will be different! I won’t eat sweets and I won’t eat after dinner, and I will work out everyday!”

Then Guilt replies. “That’s what you said last week! I bet you won’t last 2 days!”

Then Self-Pity (a whiney distant cousin of the gruesome twosome) chimes in “Poor Tara. She doesn’t have any self-control. Too bad…. She would have looked fantastic in that great dress… *Sigh* Maybe she can find it online in a larger size.”

I’ve decided to shut the Triplet Terrors up for good.

My first plan of attack is on Sabotage. I am adopting a new mantra. Instead of telling myself I will start my diet tomorrow, I will tell myself that I can have whatever I am wanting, tomorrow. My theory is, is that I will either a) forget about it or b) plan my day better to allow for it. After all, the food will be there tomorrow. I don’t have to eat it all today. My long lost friend Willpower will help me. He’s the one that helped me lose 30 lbs for my wedding. He tells me I did it before and I can do it again. He’s the one that will make me get up off the couch and onto the bike. Motivation will be there too. She’s the one that offers rewards for a job well done, like a new book and a bubble bath, or new charm packs.

The next attack is on Guilt. I know I will make some not-so-good choices. But that doesn’t mean I’ve ruined the whole day. When Guilt starts creeping in I’ll call on Better-Next-Time. She tells me to count it as a vegetable, move on, and make a better choice next time. You know what is great about BNT? She gives you as many do-overs as you need. And the more you make better choices, the easier it becomes. I recommend not counting everything as veggies though, or Guilt might get stronger. I have to actually EAT veggies to get the nutrients.

As for Self-Pity? That’s where Confidence and Self-Worth come in. They are the ones who have helped me come up with positive affirmations about myself like “I am worth it!” and “I deserve to be happy and healthy” and “You are AWESOME!” They remind me that I’m smart, I’m creative, and I am working hard to accomplish my goals. They are the ones that tell me dress for your body now! Just because I’m not the size I want to be, doesn’t mean I have to be frumpy and grumpy. I can be stylish and an XL. (There’s just more of me to love, right?)

Oh, and I am going to start taking my meds at dinner so that excuse will be… eliminated.

So… Good riddance Guilt! So long, Sabotage! Sayonara Self-Pity! I have new friends now!

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